


In another life, I would make you stay

by windandthestars



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:29:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windandthestars/pseuds/windandthestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had forgotten she had put in for assignment to Afghanistan. He’d figured it was one last impulsive bid for freedom. She had to have known he was thinking about it, thinking about asking her to be his wife.</p><p>AU: What if Mac had gone to Afghanistan before Will found out about Brian?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had forgotten she had put in for assignment to Afghanistan. He’d figured it was one last impulsive bid for freedom. She had to have known he was thinking about it, thinking about asking her to be his wife.

He hates how quickly the days steal them from one another. He had forgotten she had put in for assignment to Afghanistan. He’d figured it was one last impulsive bid for freedom. She had to have known he was thinking about it, thinking about asking her to be his wife. She had always been good at reading his moods; she had to have felt his anxiety, his uncertainty.

He's caught her watching him, terrified, and while it shouldn't be, it's reassuring knowing someone else finds something this right, this certain, terrifying.

He wants to ask her when she tells him about Afghanistan, when her eyes plead with him to understand. He doesn't though, he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want that for them, but he also he doesn't want to push it on her; he doesn't want to be that guy. She 's cautious, but obviously thrilled, it's the news, real news, and he loves that about her.

 

He doesn't know this Harper kid. Up from Atlanta the last couple of days, he follows Mac around the newsroom like a lost puppy. While Will's disinclined to trust anyone with MacKenzie, he particularly doesn't trust him. It's nothing specific, nothing personal, but it's a fact they're all going to have to come to terms with, and soon.

THREE DAYS, the calendar cheers from over her couch. Three days. He wants to rip the damn thing from the wall and shred it, he doubts Mac would notice the detritus between the moving boxes and her bags, but he's playing the supportive boyfriend, smiling and residing the urge to tie her to the closest piece if furniture.

“You really don’t mind, taking all this stuff.” She asks again and he shrugs. She’s rented a storage unit for the larger items, the furniture and the overstuffed boxes of books and clothes. The trinkets and the reference books, her more practical clothes will be stashed in the corner of his apartment, where they’ll sit collecting the dust he never sees.

She’s worried that she’ll need something, that he won’t want to go digging through her storage unit to find it. He’s worried about bigger things, the paperwork he’s signed, and the will he knows is sitting neatly folded in her safety deposit box.

“We leave Tuesday night.” She reminds him, coming over to straighten the collar of his shirt. “I’ll be there for the broadcast in case- you’ll be fine. Joe is a great guy.”

“He’s not you.” He says gruffly and she smiles at him, the hint of sadness the first he’s seen since she told him she was planning on going.

“It’ll only be a couple of months. I’m sure I’ll be bored out of my mind most of the time. I’ll still be around, only the hours will be a little different, that’s all.” She finishes on a note dripping with cheer. He winces.

MacKenzie bored isn’t something he thinks is possible, her drive for perpetual motion, externally if not internally, unceasing. She’ll find ways to keep herself busy. She’ll twist herself into knots suggesting new segments, new projects. She’ll find herself in situations neither of them could ever conceive of, standing here in the middle of her half packed apartment.

“The movers should be here for the rest tomorrow. I know you wanted to spend the day together, but I didn’t want to wait until the last minute. They should be done before noon. I’ll be yours for the rest of the day.”

“Good.” He doesn’t have it in him to sound happy about the movers stealing half of their last full day together, but he manages not to sound bitter. One afternoon would never be enough but he could make due if agreeing meant seeing her smile one last time.

 

He had planned on taking her out to lunch, but when she calls at eleven thirty to tell him the movers were late, he has to cancel their reservation. He reschedules for dinner, cancelling again when MacKenzie shows up at four, hair a frizzy mess, dark smudges under her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Will.” She sighs as he hangs up the phone. He’s disappointed but also relieved, part of him glad he’d been saved from making the asshole move and getting down on one knee to ask her to stay.

He had been promising himself for weeks that he wouldn’t do that to her. He knows she needs to go, but he wants her to stay here, needs her to, even if he doesn’t know how to tell her that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gets a call from Jim. He hasn't spoken with the man since he left with Mac almost a year ago, so despite the fact that his greeting is quickly followed by "Mac is fine," Will knows that's far from the truth.

He gets a call from Jim. He hasn't spoken with the man since he left with Mac almost a year ago, so despite the fact that his greeting is quickly followed by "Mac is fine," Will knows that's far from the truth.

"What happened?" He demands, sharp and sour and more than a little pissed that he's not the one who's there.

"Things got a little out of control. She's fine. They should be done with her soon. She told me not to call you but I thought it might be better if you yelled at me instead."

"I can yell at whoever I damn well please." Will grinds out. The effort it takes him to keep his voice down making his fists clench.

“I know,” Jim pauses, continuing cautiously. “She worries about you a lot. I don’t want you- I wouldn’t want her to feel guilty for this, for upsetting you. Mac is-“

Mine. Will wants to finish for him, but he listens to the rest of Jim’s halting argument until he can extract a promise from him, ensuring MacKenzie will call him as soon as she can, regardless of the hour.

 

"What the hell were you thinking, MacKenzie?" Dies on his lips when he hears her anemic "Will?"

She sounds groggy, not sleepy but distant in a way that makes him ache.

"How do you feel?" He asks instead and he hears her smile, the effort it would take to laugh seemingly too much for her to handle.

"Jim called you?"

"He thought I might want to chew him out. He's under the misguided impression that he talked you into this."

That earns him a laugh and while it sounds pained it still makes him smile. "I'm ok, Will. It was a freak accident. It wasn't anybody's fault. I knew I was taking a risk when I stepped off the plane. that it's been this long-"

"I want you to come home."

"I know you do." She says sadly as he fumbles in his desk drawer for his lighter. He's two seconds away from demanding that she get on a plane, but he knows that she's stubborn. Pushing hey now would only strengthen her resolve. Leaving to her would mean defeat, and she wouldn't stand for that.

"I put in for the opening in the Greenzone. I'd be producing again. Jim wants to embed with some of the Marines. I think that would be good for him. Don't you?"

Will lights up, taking a drag, nice and slow, letting that first rush take the edge off his aggitation.

"After that you'll come home." It's not a question, nor is it a demand. It's a fact. Either she comes home to him then or she comes home in a body bag. He doesn't like the odds.

"Will-"

"It's been a year, MacKenzie."

"I miss you too."

"Come home."

He doesn't need to be having this conversation right now, with her empty office down the hall and an audience in the bullpen.

"I can't, Will, not now."

"Not ever?" He asks letting the words sit heated between them despite his best intentions.

"Will," she pleads as he blows out another stream of smoke. “I know I never explained why I need to be here, but I do. I’ll come back. I will. I promise, but not now, please don’t ask me to.”

“MacKenzie.”

“Please, Will. I’ll call you on Saturday. We can talk, but I can’t. Not now.”


	3. Chapter 3

He meets her at the airport with a bouquet. Not roses because he’s not sure that wouldn’t be over the top, but an assorted bouquet. They’re not exotic hot house flowers, but the more familiar homegrown beauties, glistening petals and familiar colors.

She throws her arms around his neck, breathless and teary, her bags on the carousel forgotten for the moment as she buries her face in his neck and inhales.

“You smell like home.” She sniffles, grip tightening. “I never thought- It’s wonderful.”

“I would hope so.” He says and she laughs, shoving at him, teasing him for his lack of emotion, the quiet joy unfurling in his chest.

 

*

"You would rather die than tell me." He's too numb to yell. Too overwhelmed by the feeling if his heart being ripped out to muster much emotion.

"It wasn't like that, Will. Will, please."

He turns back toward her, eyebrows raised, gesturing for her to continue. "How was it then? Please, enlighten me."

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"You almost got yourself fucking killed. Jim got shot in the ass." He yells, letting the words tumble out as she does her best not to wince.

"I thought you would never find out. I thought I would come home and we-"

"We?" He spits back at her, satisfied with the wounded look that flickers to the surface on her face.

“I fucked up. I fucked up and I lied to you about it. I shouldn’t have, but I did because I love you. I love you.” She’s angry now, not in the stubborn-child way that he’s used to, but seething, matching his angry with his own. His fury met with righteous indignation.

“You lied, cheated, and left me here in hell to worry about you because you didn’t have the guts to tell me you didn’t-“

“Dammit, Will.” The book she’s been holding since the conversation started comes down against the table between them with a resounding crack. “I never wanted him. I never loved him. I wanted you. I loved you. I was a fucking idiot. I ran away. I was terrified of having this conversation, of hurting you, but I couldn’t keep lying to you, not when I realized this could be forever.”

“It could have been.” He says quietly, the absence of anger more damning than any words could be.

“I’ll go.” She whispers, fingers uncurling from the edges of the book to leave it discarded on the table. “I’ll tell Don he needs to cover for me until you can find someone else.”

 

*

Charlie isn’t taking any of his shit. When he gets into the office on Monday, MacKenzie is conspicuously absent and Jim, who he knows is around somewhere, has the good grace to disappear. There’s a note on his desk, and a frightened look on Ellen’s face that suggests Charlie had been down to talk to her. She stammers her way through an explanation, one he can’t hear over the angry rushing in his head.

Mac had attempted to resign, that much Charlie has managed to make clear to him, but the rest of it eludes him. He knows he should be trying to pay attention, but he’s beyond caring at this point. All he needs to hear is that MacKenzie’s gone. Charlie, however, is failing to grasp this.

“She’s going with Elliot to ten o’clock.” Charlie says firmly, repeating himself when Will fails to respond.

“Send her to Washington. They could use her down there at nine.”

It’s true. He’s proud of himself for mustering that. He’s sorely tempted to tell Charlie to go to hell and take Mac with him, but they’ve known each other for too long to get away with that. Washington was a mess. They could use someone with MacKenzie’s experience. He could use his life without her in it.

“You can hire whoever you’d like as your EP, but MacKenzie’s moving to ten. She’s already agreed.”


	4. Chapter 4

It’s been three months. Tiny green blades of grass have started to poke up from under the dense brown mat of last year’s growth. It’s strange to him to watch the seasons unfold like this, but without the constant pressure in the office and the innumerable long distance phone calls, he has more time on his hands. The pads of his fingers have toughened, and his freezer is well stocked with homemade comfort foods.

He’s also managed to book a couple of engagements. They’re nothing major, a couple of speaking gigs and a panel at Northwestern next week. Don is a bit worried about him spending so much of his time focused on other things, but Will’s not sure what he’s complaining about. His numbers have only climbed since Don’s taken over. Reese was practically skipping, delighted with the increase in ad revenue.

 

The panel is going fine until he thinks he’s spotted MacKenzie in the crowd. He knows it can’t be her, he heard through the grapevine that she’s in DC all week, but it throws him.

The NEA, the military, and government spending all jostling for space in his mind disappear when he sees her. It’s her, that vacant frown of concentration, the knowing look in her eye.

The question shifts and changes. He follows along, answering vaguely. The next question comes, rapid fire to his sluggish mind, and he suppresses a snicker at the fumbled query. That isn’t like him, but he’s working himself up. His blood pressure is rising, MacKenzie’s face is sneering at him in the crowd.

When he lets loose, the carefully constructed tirade comes from some vacant place inside of him. The words spill forth to be forgotten immediately. He’s not here to prove a point to anyone but her, but she’s not here. She hasn’t been for a long time.

 

The vacation isn’t his idea, but he takes it anyway. He knows he’s fucked up and he knows getting away, getting away from her, will do him some good. Some of her things are still in his apartment, neglected in his rush to move forward, and he arranges to have them removed while he’s out of town.

Inviting Erin is a last minute decision. They had kept in touch over the years, professional correspondence turned to something more familiar as time had passed. He’s not intending it to mean anything, he likes her company and that’s good enough for him, but he won’t deny there’s a part of him gleefully waiting for a tabloid leak.

 

The office is empty when he gets back. At first, he considers the possibility that this is some sort of dream. It’s possible that he had fallen asleep on the plane, and anxious to return to work had dreamt up the adult version of walking into school naked. Another fumbled explanation from Ellen now Maggie, is enough to convince him he’s awake if only because another cryptic message from Charlie is more cruelty than he would ever wish on himself, subconscious or not.

Don’s left to join Elliot at ten. Will can’t say he’s surprised, although he is pissed. He may not be the easiest guy to work with, but he and Don had worked well together. Though, Don at ten means MacKenzie’s gone, so while he wants to argue, the desire to do so bubbling up within him hot and angry, he lets it slide. He’s not about to shoot himself in the foot because he can’t take the insult to his pride.

He makes a good show of chewing Don out. He can’t resist that, but he doesn’t make a big stink about it. He doesn’t press the issue until Charlie drops his bombshell. He’s a bit smug about it, Charlie is, and while Will supposes he should have seen it coming, he’s too surprised to do anything but walk away.

 

MacKenzie’s reclaiming her old office when he gets downstairs, moving in as fast as she had moved out. He’s not surprised by this. He had known that her impulse to leave would quickly be replaced by one, equally as strong, to stay.

She was stubborn. If Charlie had somehow convinced her that he, Will, wanted her to stay, even if it was only in some small corner of his soul, there would be no talking her out of it. She would stay. She had always wanted to stay. MacKenzie would only ever flee to save other people the agony of asking her to leave.

It wasn’t altruism, it was self preservation. Guilt was her kryptonite.

“Will, it’s good to see you.” She breathes out, startled when she looks up to see him frozen by the door to the newsroom. She hadn’t been standing there the moment before and neither had he. They’re both puzzled by this, both carefully checking their emotions, trying not to make a scene.

“Let’s go in my office.”

“Sure,” She looks vaguely bewildered, hesitant, but she turns and moves through the newsroom without waiting for him to follow. He lingers for a moment and then joins her, making sure he slips the door shut behind him silently.


End file.
